« GOD called to Israel in a vision by night »
It had been since he became Israel
that Jacob did not speak to God
and God comes back to him like
someone who is forgotten:
« I am God, the God of your father »
for all those years they were apart…
Maybe after all that happened to Jacob
Jacob did not want to
speak to God, anymore.
I imagine the hot days,
those hot days of the desert
when silence filled Jacob’s ears
and all he heard was his own reflections
The burden of a lost wife,
and the burden of a lost son,
certainly closed Jacob’s heart
certainly closed Jacob’s doors
I picture him, in his daily routines
surrounded by, his consequent family.
He could not have been unhappy
but how could he not help feeling sad ?
What was Jacob thinking ?
For all those days and all those nights ?
He, who used to dream
he, who used to fight, Until the sun rising.
Jacob was a strong man
he was stronger than his fears
but his sadness might have been stronger
and then again… I wonder….
Why didn’t God tell him
that his son was alive ?
Why did God remain silent ?
How dared He after all Jacob had done for Him ?
He even changed his name,
Jacob even changed his name !
But God remained silent.
Some might say, « whatever God put on your way, it is on your way because you can get through it »
But why another challenge for the one who had already suffered ?
Therefore I keep wondering…
did God remain silent because
He was sorry life is sometimes unjust ?
Did God remain silent because…
because God… was ashamed ?
Silence, silence, silence…
silence is also the way
of all the ones who never speak to God
whether it is by choice, deduction
or whether it is by consequence
or whether it is because
they believe God doesn’t exist
it is hard understanding
something never experienced.
Because I, myself, I do it… I do it all the time
I speak to Him, as much as I speak to all the ones that surround me
whether they want it or not
at least when I speak to God He doesn’t let me know
whether I should keep going… or not…
Therefore I ask myself very often
what happens for those who remain silent…
what happens to that dimension ?
Does it remain unexplored ?
Are its ways filled with dust ?
Or maybe is it just travelling differently ?…
Can we imagine that, walking through a magnificent park,
filled with perfumed flowers
being aware of what is going on
can be considered a prayer ?
Can we imagine that, sharing a moment with your dearest friends
while eating a generous dinner,
and being conscious about this privilege
can be considered a prayer ?
It can be hard to conceive, for someone who speaks to God
but then again…
maybe this was the way God and Jacob kept talking ?
Isn’t all our theology based on the immateriality concept ?
We are not allowed to say His name,
neither are we allowed to picture Him
the only thing we should understand is that we cannot understand
therefore sometimes I wonder
if believing in God with all my soul and heart and strength
is also admitting…
is also admitting…
that God doesn’t exist.
Yes is it possible that trusting in the existence of God, to a certain point also consists, in admitting that God, exists and doesn’t exist.
And then I can try being silent
and understand the Other
that’s when something happens
something I cannot understand
but I know it is Greater
Greater that myself
Greater than the Universe
And it makes me want to say
Amen
In silence
Shabbat Shalom
Etienne Kerber LBC Rabbinic student
The views expressed in this D’var Torah do not necessarily reflect the position of Leo Baeck College.